Goodbye Fur Baby
Dear Coco,
I’m sitting here thinking of you. Thinking of how today went and how I wish it didn’t. I keep thinking how I believe I am a rational person, yet, there I was having all of my rational thinking getting squashed by my emotions. This morning when daddy brought you in, I just new. My gut knew and yet my heart kept telling me that this could not be it.
Somehow, I managed to take as many pictures as possible of you and the kids together. I know how much they loved you and I knew that I needed to have those moments preserved for them. Yet, my emotions kept telling me that this couldn’t be it.
As I held you, every single memory of you kept rushing through my head. I have to get this out and write it all out. So here I am. Getting it all out in “paper”, letting everyone know the Coco we all knew and loved.
Daddy and I had decided to get a second dog. We thought that Oreo was a bit crazy and needed some companion. Little did we know you were way crazier than he was. I saw an add on the news paper and I called in. They told us to come look. I immediately called daddy and asked him to go look because I knew that even before looking at you, I would come home with you regardless. So daddy went to look at you. Shortly after, I get a call from him saying “go pick her up, she is ours” I ran from work to pick you up. You were the tiniest little thing EVER, so tiny that you fit inside of daddy’s shoes as well as his cargo shorts pockets. Introducing you to Oreo was challenging, he was not a big fan at first. You were so little and so so cute, how could anyone not love you.
We tried crate training you but you would let out these adorable little cries and daddy couldn’t just listen, he gave him and brought you into our bed. You had a very special way of sleeping. Right by my shoulders. You would lay flat on your back and then put your paws out like a little human and that was so adorable. We named you coco but you had the nickname of cookie. Why ? Well because every time you would do something mischievous, you would curls your ears like a fortune cookie and give yourself up that easily.
One thing you were so good at was taking revenge at your daddy. If you felt left out or we didn’t include you in something, you made sure to let us know that you were upset with us. Most importantly, you would let daddy know that you were upset with him. You presented him with little nuggets inside his shoes, placed just right where he didn’t see them until he felt them.
You most definitely never acted of felt like the “little” dog that you were. When we got your younger brother Hershey, you made sure to let him know that you were the boss. You had no problem jumping at him and putting him in the corner, always so fearless.
You were also so very smart. There wasn’t a baby gate you couldn’t climb, or a fence you couldn’t get out from. Yet, you would never wonder far and get lost like your brothers. You were always there, you would always come back and made sure to find your way home.
Perhaps that’s why it is so hard to understand how this happened so fast. We all knew that someday your time would come. That we couldn’t keep you forever, but somehow I thought it would be different. We would have little signs here and there that your time was coming. I never expected that one day we would wake up and see that this was it and you then were gone.
I’m sure some might think that this is silly. That all of this rambling and talking for a dog is nuts. But you were more than a dog to me. You were my baby girl. You were there for me when I went through some horrible times trying to get pregnant and when I suffered loss of pregnancies. You would snuggle and give me love and showed me unconditional love.
Losing you today really shook me. I was not prepared, I still am not prepared. Worst even was hearing your siblings wail when they found out that you were gone. Honest and heart felt screams of pain that their doggie was gone. They really loved you and they will really miss you. Mommy and daddy will really miss you.
I have to say, I was a giant mess. As always daddy was so strong, he kept telling you what an amazing doggy you were and how much we loved you, as I sat there and wept, holding you and selfishly not wanting to let you go.
Thank you for all the years of love, cuddles and orneriness. We had an amazing lifetime together and I am grateful for every single moment, every single memory and will forever love and miss you.
Until we see you again fur baby,
Love, Mommy.