I know I haven’t posted in a while but so much has been going on, it’s been ridiculous.

lets recap everything. I had my IUI on Feb 8th. I started testing at 7 days past that, because I’m crazy and I can’t just wait around.

Just like last time I got a faint positive at 9 days past IUI. I watched it get progressively darker every day. It was looking very promising. I called my doctor’s office and talked to them. they asked me to come in and have a blood test and I did at 13dpiui.

Here’s how my betas came back:

13dpiui = 24.2
15dpiui = 48.6
17dpiui = 42.5

When I saw my beta doubling I actually let myself believe that perhaps this was happening for reals, That perhaps it was just a late implanter and that everything could turn out ok. BUT, right after I let myself believe I started spotting. I told the hubby about it and he made sure to keep me calm and just reassure me that everything was going to be ok. I mean, I started spotting the same day my beta came back as double, how freaking cruel is that??

I took it easy on Saturday and tried to stay in bed, the bleeding kept on all day and I was sure that this was the end for me. I had another beta on monday and I got an answer right away. The numbers went down and that was the end of yet another pregnancy.

I lost yet again another baby and my heart just sunk.

I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. So many thoughts rush through my head all at once. It’s nearly impossible not to blame myself. How could it not be my fault? I mean what the heck am I doing wrong???

I had another beta just this monday and to my surprise it came back at 1.39. I was in disbelief that it dropped so darn fast.

So here I am again. Not pregnant and not knowing exactly what to do next.

The husband and I have been talking about IVF and we’ve been considering going that path. But before we do I KNOW that I’ll be requesting some testing to be done before embarking on that journey. The last thing I want is to spend tons of money on IVF just to get pregnant and lose the baby again.

So, the plan for now is to try IVF a couple of times and if that doesn’t work………..well, we can either try IUI out of pocket OR we can finally embark on to the adoption journey.

 

PS: I KNOW that adoption is not easy and I don’t mean to imply anything by it. Adoption has been something that I’ve wanted to do for a LONG time and so does my husband. I know a lot about adoption and I know how hard that journey is. I just want to make sure I’m no offending anyone. That is not my intent.

Well this is it for now. I’m very sad and very upset but somehow I’m still moving forward. I’m waiting to hear back from my doctor about further testings to make sure that I don’t have something else going on that we are not aware of.

I mean when u look at the numbers, I’ve been pregnant a total of 4 times and I have lost 3 of those pregnancies. It looks more like our beautiful son is one heck of a miracle and that something else is going on that we are not aware of. At least that’s how I see things as of now.

I also have an appointment with him next week for an IVF consult. So we shall see how that goes. In the mean time, I’m trying to enjoy not having to give myself shots and monitor my every move.