Testing for a non IF woman and one who has gone through IF

I have a lot of different friends and family in my life, what I mean by that is that I have people that can get pregnant naturally, those that get pregnant without even trying and those that have gone through hell and back in order to try and have a child.

I love every single one of them, I really do. Here’s the one thing that I don’t think some of them understand about this journey that I’ve been going through. The process of trying to get pregnant through the help of a doctor is already pretty stressful. There’s so much that is involved.

There’s a lot of appointments, injections, ultrasounds, bloodwork, more injections and then the actual insemination. Then we just sit and wait. Literally!!!!

Now that sounds easy to do right? NOT!!!!!! The waiting is pure torture and the fact that we have to take more meds during that wait that mimics a pregnancy doesn’t help either. We look and feel pregnant, yet we have no idea if we really are or not.

Then the day comes when we have to take the test. That sounds like an easy thing to do, right? Wrong again. Here’s where it gets tricky.

So, lets say today is my test day and I tested positive (today is not my test day, it’s not until friday). There’s an OCEAN of emotions that will come rushing in. First the excitement of course, the thought of “we did it”. Then when that dies down then FEAR pounds you down and you start questioning everything. and I mean EVERYTHING.

Is that line dark enough? Do I have enough symptoms? What’s my blood work going to look like? Is this a real pregnancy or a chemical or worse yet an ectopic?  Will this baby stick?

There are so many unanswered questions. So much fear and doubt. It is NOT anywhere near what a regular person would go through. From my friends that have not gone through this, what I usually hear is “I got a positive, called my OB and 3-4wks later I went in for an ultrasound and my due date is such and such”

They have zero worries in regards what could possible go wrong with this pregnancy and I won’t lie to you, I sometimes envy that. The way I see it, there’s no reason for them to worry so that’s why they don’t. Whereas me, I’ve had a missed miscarriage and a chemical pregnancy………I know way too much about what can and can’t go wrong and I just can’t seem to relax.

So, here I am. Sitting and waiting and contemplating about what can or not go wrong and over analyzing every single little thing about this treatment.

I’m going in for blood work this week and I’m not sure if I’ll have any fingers left by the end of the week. My nails are gone. the nerves have taken a hold of them and they are gone

Advertisements

Three days past IUI and catching up.

think_happy_thoughts_good_things_will_happen_magnet-p147078469024781605tmn8_210

It’s been a while since I posted. I’m sorry about that but I’ve been in such a bad mood and my emotions have been so all over the place that I didn’t want to even write.

So lets see. Since my last post lots has happened. First off, I turned 30 yrs old on the 31st of January!!! It’s official I’m “old” now.  My son had surgery to put tubes in his ears and he’s doing amazing and ohh yeah we had our IUI three days ago.

This last cycle felt like a blur to me. I think it’s because I’m still in a place where I can’t believe that I had a chemical pregnancy and I’m just sad and or upset? I’m not sure what to even say about that.

So, lets just get technical about this cycle. Since my last post I had an ultrasound to check my follicles on February 1st. My lining was at a 9mm and I had a couple of follicles on my right and a couple on my left. My E2 was 164. I was told to keep taking my meds the same way that I was and to return on Monday for another ultrasound and bloodwork.

Monday came along and so did I. This time around I had 4 follicles on my left side and one or two on my right side. My lining was at 11mm and my estradiol level was 562! I was very happy!! The nurse assumed that once the doctor saw that that he would have me take my trigger that night but that she was going to call me back later on to let me know.

I got a call from her that I was to continue with my meds for 2 more day and return on Wednesday to have an ultrasound and blood work again. This time I had 4 follicles on my left and 2 on my right but the left side is the one with a 22 and a 17mm and the right was at 14mm. The lining was at 13mm and my estradiol level was at 1,070!! Holly smokes! It almost doubled in 2 days.

I triggered that night of course and was told to come in on Friday for my IUI!!! Our count was great 70 million and 71% motility. That’s when I learned that they count motility by measuring the fast moving sperm and the low moving sperm. Now the reason why I say that is because they were all telling me how the fast moving percentage was at 59% and that was amazing, since all they are looking for is 25% or higher. I was pretty excited about that……..which might not mean anything afterall but I’m still excited.

So here I am. Today is day 3 after my insemination. It’s not like I’m itching to test, but I’m just itching to know already. I’m not sure how I feel about testing early anymore…..I’m afraid of getting my hopes up for nothing.  But then again, even if I had tested at the right time, it would still had been positive but then had a bad beta……so I guess I doesn’t matter, when it’s bad news, it’s bad news.

I’m trying to stay as positive as I can. I have also started looking into IVF. I’m not sure if we can afford it but I do know that I’m tired of this roller coaster and mental circus. I want to optimize our chances and I’m tired of this game.

As far as symptoms, I’ve been feeling SUPER bloated. I think I look like I’m 6 months pregnant already. Yesterday I had major food cravings and I ate like a freaking cow. It’s not like I ate a lot but once the food was in front of me, I ate that thing as if it was about to run away from me. It was crazy.
I spent a lot of time doing NOTHING this weekend. I just wanted to rest and take it easy. I think I was able to do that at the expense of my house looking like a war zone, but I did it.

So 3 days down and 11 more to go. Here’s hoping I stay sane.