I have a lot of different friends and family in my life, what I mean by that is that I have people that can get pregnant naturally, those that get pregnant without even trying and those that have gone through hell and back in order to try and have a child.
I love every single one of them, I really do. Here’s the one thing that I don’t think some of them understand about this journey that I’ve been going through. The process of trying to get pregnant through the help of a doctor is already pretty stressful. There’s so much that is involved.
There’s a lot of appointments, injections, ultrasounds, bloodwork, more injections and then the actual insemination. Then we just sit and wait. Literally!!!!
Now that sounds easy to do right? NOT!!!!!! The waiting is pure torture and the fact that we have to take more meds during that wait that mimics a pregnancy doesn’t help either. We look and feel pregnant, yet we have no idea if we really are or not.
Then the day comes when we have to take the test. That sounds like an easy thing to do, right? Wrong again. Here’s where it gets tricky.
So, lets say today is my test day and I tested positive (today is not my test day, it’s not until friday). There’s an OCEAN of emotions that will come rushing in. First the excitement of course, the thought of “we did it”. Then when that dies down then FEAR pounds you down and you start questioning everything. and I mean EVERYTHING.
Is that line dark enough? Do I have enough symptoms? What’s my blood work going to look like? Is this a real pregnancy or a chemical or worse yet an ectopic? Will this baby stick?
There are so many unanswered questions. So much fear and doubt. It is NOT anywhere near what a regular person would go through. From my friends that have not gone through this, what I usually hear is “I got a positive, called my OB and 3-4wks later I went in for an ultrasound and my due date is such and such”
They have zero worries in regards what could possible go wrong with this pregnancy and I won’t lie to you, I sometimes envy that. The way I see it, there’s no reason for them to worry so that’s why they don’t. Whereas me, I’ve had a missed miscarriage and a chemical pregnancy………I know way too much about what can and can’t go wrong and I just can’t seem to relax.
So, here I am. Sitting and waiting and contemplating about what can or not go wrong and over analyzing every single little thing about this treatment.
I’m going in for blood work this week and I’m not sure if I’ll have any fingers left by the end of the week. My nails are gone. the nerves have taken a hold of them and they are gone