First OB appointment – Meet and greet.

My goody Bag

I had my first OB appointment yesterday. It was more like a meet and great with the RN. I guess the way they work is they have the RN, the Nurse Practitioners and the doctor. The first appointment is with the RN then my next appointment will be with the Nurse Practitioner and then the one after that will be with the doctor. WHEW….

Anyway, she was great. She got all of our medical history and we talked a lot. She then took my blood pressure and my weight. I was pleased (and puzzled) to find out that I lost 6 pounds since the day before my IUI. Strange but what can I do.

She gave me plenty of information about what to expect during a pregnancy and I asked plenty of questions too. Some that she wasn’t able to answer and asked me to ask the doctor once I see him.

I wanted to know if since I have PCOS and was never told if I was insulin deficient if those two went hand in hand or not. She wasn’t sure how to answer it.

I also asked her what are the chances (percentage wise) of a missed miscarriage again and she wasn’t comfortable with giving me a number, so she asked me to ask the doctor.

Now, she gave me plenty of literature to read and we talked about the Pregnancy Screening Program and that I had the choice of doing it or not. I didn’t know I had a choice since my last OB didn’t really ask me.

For those of you who know me, you know that I always want to know everything therefore I have to do the full Screening Program. I just do. The thing is, no matter what the results are I wouldn’t change or terminate my pregnancy for any reason. I just want to be ready for anything. I just need to know and be ready, that’s all.

They also want me to change from my regular over the counter prenatal to a prescription one. I don’t mind at all and I believe that my insurance will cover it without a problem.

I’m trying one today, it’s called Duet DHA with Ferrazone. So far so good. It didn’t make me nauseous or anything so if I’m ok with it I’ll go ahead and take that one.

I also got a goody bag from my very nice RN. Inside of this bag we had the 5 different samples of prenatal, a bag from Similac and another bag from Enfamil. I have samples of milk powder and the little liquid too. It’s adorable.

I also got all the literature that I have to read and a pregnancy journal.

It’s awesome and I was so excited about this little bag. I guess it just makes it official since I haven’t bought anything yet.

Next week we’re going in for the ultrasound. To say that I’m nervous is an understatement. I get freaked out that I won’t see my baby and it’s just so scary.

I’m praying that everything is going to be ok. It just has to be ok.


Thoughts on Becoming a Mother and 7wks Pregnant.

Today I woke up with my sweet husband saying to me “happy 7th week baby”. Since I had just woken up I thought he was talking to me, then I asked “what?” and I realized that he was caressing my belly and talking to the baby.

I thought that it was very sweet.

I don’t have anything new to share other than, I’ve noticed that my flabby fat is getting rounder and that my bbs are bigger and still sensitive.

Pregnancy at week 7 :

Can you believe your baby has doubled in size since last week? By week 7 your little one measures approximately half an inch long! Also during week 7, your baby’s arms and legs are developing and teeny tiny hands and feet are beginning to appear. He also has an appendix, intestines, a pancreas and a liver. Both hemispheres of your baby’s brain are growing. Nasal pits are forming. Overall it’s a big week for growth!

This week your baby’s eyes will also start to become more fully formed and now have a retina and lens attached. Thin veins will also begin to appear underneath your baby’s translucent skin.

I also wanted to share this post that I came accross that one of my wonderful, strong IF friends posted. I’m sure we can all relate and you’ll just love it.

Thoughts on Becoming a Mother

“There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.
I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books,
but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.
I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.
So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen.
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immerse power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes I will be a wonderful mother.”

A scary night and our first u/s

I had a very “interesting” day yesterday.

It started very scary actually. DH and I had planned to go to work, then go to our doctor’s appointment then grocery shopping.

Well, that didn’t work at all. The night before, I told DH that I was having some aches on my left side. It felt like I had pulled a muscle or something. I did some light stretching afterwards and it got better. So I went to sleep.

At 3am I was awaken by this horrible sharp pain when I turned my body. I didn’t move for a while hoping it would go away but I couldn’t stay lay down because it hurt too. There wasn’t a position that didn’t hurt. If I lay on my left side, right side or on my back it all hurt.

So, I woke Tom up and told him how much I ached. Although he didn’t say, I could tell he was worried.

I couldn’t handle it anymore and at about 4am I took some Tylenol. I could only think of the worst. I was sure that I had an ectopic pregnancy and that something was very wrong with me.

I called my RE’s office at about 5am. I waited for someone to call me back but nothing. The pain finally dissipated and I could rest my head on the pillow while sitting up. My Re’s office is about 45minutes away so I told Tom that we were going no matter what.

We arrived there at around 8am. They took FOREVER to take me back. They apologized and said that they had to see the patients that were on the schedule but that they would see me soon.

My turn finally arrived. My favorite nurse took us back but we still had to wait for a while. She asked questions and in she went for the ultrasound.

She was VERY thorough with us. She looked EVERYWHERE to make sure that I didn’t have an ectopic pregnancy. She explained to us EVERYTHING that she was seeing and what everything meant. I was very relieved that it wasn’t an ectopic.

Finally, there it was. Our little baby inside it’s little perfect sac and we could see his / her little heart beating away. Absolutely amazing.  Love at first sight.

Watching your baby’s heart beating for the first time is always something that you’ll NEVER forget. It’s one of those moments that is just so precious. She took tons of pictures for us and although the pics weren’t good quality (because of the machine) they’re so precious to us.

Our baby is measuring right on track at 6 weeks and 4 days. I didn’t get a heart rate but I did get to watch for a very long time.

The explanation to all that pain that I had!? Well, ligament pain. To be more specific it’s called Round Ligament Pain. I guess it’s very normal and although it usually starts on the second trimester lots of women get it early on.

I just have to be very careful how I move my body. No sudden moves and I have to go to sleep with tons of pillows all around me so I don’t toss and turn too much.

We have our first OB appointment next week on the 26th. It’s a new doctor for us and we’ve heard very good things about him. I have high hopes.

Beta #3

I woke up early this morning to go get my third beta. It was amazing how many people got up early too.

I was the second one in line and by 5:45am there were about 10 people or more in line already.

They took what it felt like forever to take me back. The nice lady that was in front of me was apparently “a hard patient” since they were having a really hard time getting her veins.

Then it was MY turn. The thing is, I’m notorious for having “difficult” veins.

The poor lady was like “ohh goodness today will be hard vein day”. I told her, don’t worry you got me last time, I have faith in you.

Of course she was able to get it and it was a breeze. The ladies there are super nice. I ran out of there to go back to work.

Being at work and waiting to hear from my RE’s office with the darn results.

Being the “patient” person that I am I had to call them. By 10:45am I called, I couldn’t wait any longer. The expectation was strangling me.

I was able to speak with the nurse and she said “girl your numbers are great.” I said “really?” she said yep. They are 12,662 today. WOW!!!!

I was expecting about nine thousand or so, 12,000 is just AMAZING!!!

She confirmed with me about my ultrasound appointment and she congratulated me one more time.

I again asked her about the “strawberry lip stick” on the tip of the Endometrin applicator. She reassured me that it’s plenty normal and that I shouldn’t worry.

I have to wait until Monday late afternoon for my ultrasound. I’ll try my best to stay stress free and be patient. Ohh I want to see that little heart beating so badly.

World’s Best Husband

Yesterday wasn’t an easy day for me.

I was very emotional and was feeling like my battle was already lost. My husband is under the weather and has not been feeling good for a couple of days, so I didn’t really say anything to him.

After a while he asked me how I was doing so when I answered him “fine” he knew that something was wrong. He didn’t even have to ask me what, he immediately said “don’t worry sweetie, the baby will be ok”. Like I said, I wasn’t having a great day and I told him that he was wrong and that it was not going to be ok.

As he always does, he talked to me (even though he was super sick); he wanted to know what was bothering me. I told him about the pink on the TP and he wanted to see it. I explained to him and showed him (I know TMI) and he said “that’s not blood, that’s just a very light pink”.

I couldn’t hold it in anymore, I just stated to sob. As he held me tight, I told him that all I want is to have a healthy and happy pregnancy. I want this baby and I don’t want to go through the pain of losing a baby again. It just hurt too much.

He held me tight and said all the right things. He asked me to lay down and relax, there he was laying next to me, all stuffed up and feeling sick and when I asked him how HE was feeling he said to me “I’m concerned about you right now, I want you to feel better”.

That’s when it dawn to me. No matter what happens, he’ll always be there for me. He won’t judge me or say anything bad to me, he’ll be right there by my side supporting me and caring for me.

That’s when I remembered how lucky I am to have him, how amazing he is and how strong he is.

Tom and I have been through a lot before we found ourselves in this infertility road. I have to say that nothing has brought us closer than having to go through all of this together.

I couldn’t imagine having to go through all of this with anyone else by my side. I have the best man, the strongest man, the most caring, understanding and loving husband and I am so very lucky.

I still don’t know what the future holds for us. I don’t know what the outcome of this pregnancy will be but I know that no matter what happens I have my husband by my side and that alone is reassuring and something to be very thankful for.

The other day Tom told me about this song called Angels Among Us by Randy Travis & Alan Jackson . This song is very touching and so very true. There are angels among us and I have a permanent one next to me every day.

Sweetie, this post is for you. To say thank you for being there for me even when I make no sense whatsoever. For being my rock, for loving me unconditionally. I don’t know what I would do without you. Thank you for loving me like you do. I love you so very much.

Wheel of emotions

Where am I going to fall in today?

When someone tells you that they are pregnant, what is the first thought in your mind?

First you congratulate them and then you think about how happy that person must be feeling, right?

It’s hard to describe how a person that has been dealing with IF feels while they’re pregnant. It’s not that we’re not happy. Believe me, we are. But we’re so overcome with fear that something can go wrong that we simply don’t allow ourselves to be happy.

During my first pregnancy, I was always so scared that something was going to happen, as if my insides knew that something was going to happen. I hate that I was right, something did happen, we lost our baby.

As of now, I did feel much calmer in the beginning but much more cautious. I want to be super happy and scream from the top of my lungs that I’m pregnant, but I’m so scared to do that.

I’m so afraid that I’ll get my heart broken again, I’m afraid that I’ll get my hopes up and then I’ll get crushed once more.

Although I was nervous before, it was nothing like what I’m feeling now. After my little Endometrin accident I’ve been feeling much more anxious. Anytime you see any type of blood, no matter how little it is, one can’t help but freak out.

The worst part is that there’s NOTHING anyone can do to prevent or foresee what’s going to happen next.   Even when you call your doctor all they tell you is to relax and that everything is going to be ok.

How can they expect us to relax? They know that it’s just impossible.

This thing with inserting the Endometrin is very nerve wrecking to me.  The first time it happened it wasn’t bad, then the second time it freaked me out. I called my RE and they told me that it’s normal and that I should relax. (Yeah right).

The other night it happened again, my husband asked me what was wrong (since he could see it in my face) and I told him that it happened again. He said, ok let me see. He looked at the applicator and he tells me “that’s not red” so I asked him what did he think it was, he said “it looks like pink lip gloss”.

I couldn’t help myself and we both laughed so hard. So, I now refer to this as the pink lip gloss incident.

Last night, there it was again. The darn pink lip gloss showed up. I can’t sleep through the night when that happens. I always wake up between 2am and 3am, I ran to the bathroom to check and see if I’m bleeding or not.

Thankfully I wasn’t. But I did see a little faint pink on TP when I got up in the morning. The worst part is that it makes sense though. If you scratched yourself and nothing came out at first, it’s going to come out eventually, right?

Today everything is ok. I don’t see anything else. I don’t have any cramps or anything else.

Just my head that keeps me freaked out all day long.

I want to be happy and enjoy being pregnant. I want to be stress free, worry free and filled with only joy.

I know that this won’t happen until I have my baby in my arms.

I’ve been praying more than ever lately and I hope that He’s listening to me. I hope that my biggest wish can come true.

Pray, pray, pray.

Beta #2

I can breath a little better now.

I just got off the phone with my RE’s office and my second Beta was 983!!!!

Like always, I had already calculated what it should have been since my starting number was 67. According to my calculations it should have been a 804 so a 983 is a good number.

I found this website that calculates your beta and lets you know where you fall. Here’s what I got.

BabyMed hCG Calculator

Type in your hCG values and the change in hCG will be calculated automatically.
Step 1: First hCG Level:
Step 2: Days Past Ovulation (DPO): 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 (if known)
Step 3: Second hCG Level:
Step 4: Days Between Tests: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12
Assessment: The Two-Day hCG rise was 115 % and is considered adequate.
First hCG: 67 mIU/ml Second hCG: 983 mIU/ml
hCG Difference:
916 mIU/ml
Time Difference:
168 hours
Total hCG Increase:
13.67 % (14.7)
Daily Rate Increase:
47 % (1.47)
Two Day Rate Increase:
115 % (2.15)
1st Day hCG As If:
98 mIU/ml
2 Days hCG As If:
144 mIU/ml

hCG Chart

Of course, right after I got off the phone with the doc’s office I called Tom. After I told him our numbers he said “see, I told you, everything is going to be fine”. I laughed and we told each other “I love you” then he tells me “now you’re going to sleep through the night, right?”
I sure hope so. It truly feels like someone was sitting on top of my chest and now they got up and I can breath a little better.
We’re still keeping this a “secret” so those who know about it are  aware that we want to keep this to “ourselves” for a little while.
I know that is a weird, non sense, thing to say since I’m posting here on my blog. But, not everyone knows about this blog I know that I can trust you guys.
That’s it for now. I have another blood test next week (on the 14th) then it’s the ultrasound on the 18th.
I can’t wait.