I had an appointment with my RE this past Saturday and I’m happy to say that my cysts are gone and that my lining is looking great.
Of course those were wonderful things to hear and what I was hoping to hear as well.
Then nurse C came in to see me. She said that since everything was looking so terrific that I could start my shots the following day. I was very much shocked, to say the least, but very much excited as well.
I left with my instructions and a smile from ear to ear. Then as soon as I started to think about it all, it hit me.
Pure and intense fear. So many questions flooded my mind. “what if it doesn’t work?” “what if it works but I lose it again?”
It never cease to amaze me how intense these feelings can be………it never cease to amaze me how incredibly tormenting this journey is.
How can one situation produce so many contradictory feelings. How can I be afraid of failing yet very much afraid of succeeding ?? How could this be ???
Today is my second day of shots and so far so “good” (as good as shooting yourself can be) but I have to say that I feel more soreness than I have ever had. I guess I might be more “fragile” due to the loss ?? I’m not sure.
I have a lot of thoughts going through my head all of the time and although I had been feeling down a lot, starting this treatment has given me more strength and something to look forward to. If that makes sense.
I truly believe that what kicks me down and keeps me down is not knowing what’s next. The unknown is just painful for me.
I have an appointment coming up on Feb 1st (friday) and see what the progress looks like. I guess IUI should happen sometime next week?? WOW I didn’t think about that.
Wish me luck.