Waiting and waiting………..I HATE IT

How I wish it was that easy/

How I wish it was that easy

I’m here to just let my feelings all hang out and get my emotions out.

It’s been 2 days since my last beta test and it feels like an eternity. I have these moments when I’m super calm and I know that I can do this, I can wait another 2 weeks until our ultrasound. Then there are these moments when I’m so freaked out of the unknown that I can not wait any longer.

For me one of the worst things about this process is how much we have to wait. It is so funny because one we pass all of these hurdles and we have our little ones in our arms, we know that those were not long waits and that we were just working ourselves up. But right now, right this second, my mind can not acknowledge all of this and can not accept that two weeks is not that far away.

Yesterday I called and spoke with one of the nurses and she was so calming and reassuring that I believed it. I was calm and I stayed calm all day long after talking to her. She did mention to me that if I wanted to that they could run another hcg level for me later one, I guess all I had to do was ask.

For whatever reason I didn’t ask for one. I took her words and believed that everything is ok. I have thought about asking for another beta for next Monday but I’m not sure if I will do that or not. I even had some IF friends tell me to just call them and let them know that I’m super crampy and that something doesn’t feel right and they should bring me in early for an ultrasound.

The thing is, if I do that and I don’t like the answer, that’s just going to make me even more nervous. That much I know.

So for now, I am trying my so very best to not go completely insane. I’m not so sure how long this is going to last.

I guess I do have plenty of symptoms and I can’t complain about that. But are they real or are they caused by the progesterone?? I have no idea.

So far I have experienced: pimples in my face and arms, nausea, tiredness, sour taste in my mouth, heartburn, and extreme bouts of hunger. Not to mention the good ol’ mood swings.

Do I feel pregnant, yes. Is it real or is it all my head? I have no clue.

I guess only time will tell.

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