Starting A New Round of Treatment

27654985181878991_xDTEUJ7k_b

I had an appointment with my RE this past Saturday and I’m happy to say that my cysts are gone and that my lining is looking great.

Of course those were wonderful things to hear and what I was hoping to hear as well.

Then nurse C came in to see me. She said that since everything was looking so terrific that I could start my shots the following day. I was very much shocked, to say the least, but very much excited as well.

I left with my instructions and a smile from ear to ear. Then as soon as I started to think about it all, it hit me.

Pure and intense fear. So many questions flooded my mind. “what if it doesn’t work?” “what if it works but I lose it again?”

It never cease to amaze me how intense these feelings can be………it never cease to amaze me how incredibly tormenting this journey is.
How can one situation produce so many contradictory feelings. How can I be afraid of failing yet very much afraid of succeeding ?? How could this be ???

99079260522769303_E6FNYPBC_c

Today is my second day of shots and so far so “good” (as good as shooting yourself can be) but I have to say that I feel more soreness than I have ever had. I guess I might be more “fragile” due to the loss ?? I’m not sure.

576124_165946266865770_120995864694144_221383_1693223398_n

I have a lot of thoughts going through my head all of the time and although I had been feeling down a lot, starting this treatment has given me more strength and something to look forward to.  If that makes sense.

I truly believe that what kicks me down and keeps me down is not knowing what’s next. The unknown is just painful for me.

images

I have an appointment coming up on Feb 1st (friday) and see what the progress looks like. I guess IUI should happen sometime next week?? WOW I didn’t think about that.

Wish me luck.

 

 

Advertisements

3 comments

  1. carolina · January 28, 2013

    Life is a journey.. sometimes a painful one and uncertain BUT sometimes at the end of that pain you will have your reward.. and it will be such a wonderful reward.. you hang in there.. you will get that reward.. I know it.. 🙂 my heart tells me.. 🙂

  2. shelleydelaughter · January 28, 2013

    Seems like I’m going through this journey with you. Tonight I start Follistim injections and I too have a Friday ultrasound to check the progress. Last year about this exact time we conceived a daughter through injections and IUI. We made it to October 4th, 3 weeks from her due date of Oct 27th, but we went for a routine ultrasound to see her one last time before setting an induction date and she was gone, no heartbeat. She passed from an umbilical cord accident. Despair, devastation came, but we decided our ultimate love is for our family, we wanted our living daughter to grow up with a sibling. It’s painful, but it’d be more painful if we didn’t try again I think. We tried naturally for the last couple months, but I knew it was going to lead back to fertility treatments, no matter how much my OB kept saying your body might change after pregnancy and make getting pregnant easier. So, here we are almost a year to the day we are embarking on that journey again. If I let superstition take over, I’d be waiting. For me, God is in control. I have to believe that things will be different this time and we will bring home our baby instead of saying hello and goodbye at the same time. I pray and hope we both get our chance, please feel free to email me if you’d like to share thoughts on things. Shelley.delaughter@gmail.com

    • mrs.stork · January 28, 2013

      Shelley, my heart just breaks for you. I’m so so so sorry for what you had to go through. I’m at a loss for words.

      You are one strong, amazing woman and I will be praying for you and your family.

      Please feel free to email me as well if you wish. We can be cycle buddies. my email is wbocianski@gmail.com

      Once again, I’m so very sorry for your loss and everything that you’ve been through. Hang in there we will get through this together.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s