I don’t know how to even explain how I’m feeling. I just feel so defeated and just lost today.
Did I underestimate what this journey was going to be like ? Did u not learn how difficult this was going to be from my previous experience?
I guess not. I guess I must have assumed that since I’ve “been there and done that” that maybe it would hurt less or that maybe I wouldn’t worry as much. It’s hard to tell what the hell is going on right now.
I just feel like I’m drowning in emotions and I have no clue which one to address first.
Sometimes I feel like I’m just sitting there watching life happen right before my eyes and yet I can’t seem to move, I can’t seem to participate and do much. I’ve been trying SO HARD to be productive at home, at work and yet I feel like I’m in the way more days than not.
I just see everyone so busy and occupied with their lives and there I am, sunken into this deep whole where my thoughts and emotions are taking over. What emotions do I feel??
Well, that’s a complicated question. I’m sad, I’m upset and I’m very frustrated……….those are just a few of them.
Above all I feel lost and very much hopeless. How many more treatments will we have to endure? How are we going to be able to afford all of this? Am I going to be able to cope with these emotions, especially since Tom is always traveling.
Should I really try to expand our family or just settle? I know that I KNOW the answer to that question, I know that I’m not done with growing our family. but I guess that the pain is such right now that I’m actually considering quitting ??
I’m sorry to be such a downer but as I mentioned before, I can’t seem to get out of this ocean of emotions and I’m not sure what to do.