Unfortunately my husband and I have gone through a loss before. I went in for my 12wk ultrasound……..I was actually almost 14wks. I knew something was off, it was just a feeling and that’s when we found out that we had lost our baby.
I’m not going to lie to you, it was SO hard. I had to go through a D&C and actually had to wait 3 days to have my D&C because of the weekend. It broke me to my core. It was horrible and I don’t wish that on anyone.
Here’s the thing. Everyone knew that I was pregnant and they were all so very nice and attentive to me throughout our loss. It felt “nice” to be acknowledged and to know that I could count on people. It was also very eye opening to see friends and even family say hurtful things and treat us so totally different.
This time around, I find myself yet at a different road. We haven’t really told many people that we were trying again. We just didn’t want to say it and what if it didn’t happen, what if we had another loss.
Well, here we are……..and we have yet another loss.
Let me tell you, it makes no stinky difference how far along I was. I have found myself letting more and more people know about our loss than what I had expected.
I don’t know what it is but I need people to know that this type of things happen and that although I might be happy for right now, that my mood might just change with a blink of an eye and I’ll get sad suddenly. That these emotions have nothing to do with them and everything to do with me.
Going through this journey always teaches me something different and it always shows me the true color of people around me. You find that those that you thought were your friends, get annoyed and upset that you’re not your happy self and that you’re not there to make them happy. Yet they don’t see that this is the time where THEY have to be there for you. It’s a strange, strange thing to see and be a part of.
My emotions lately have been all over the place. I remember having the same problem with our previous loss and I just have to learn how to deal with it.
As far as the actual miscarriage this time around. It’s like a really heavy period with more intense cramps and lots and lots of clots.
I’ve always had really heavy menses so this is just a “bad” one. I had my blood work done this friday and got a call this morning that it’s finally low and negative.
For now I’ll just try to get through this part of it all and take birth control pills to shrink a stupid cyst that I have left over. Then once that’s gone I can hopefully get back to trying.