9dpiui and torturing myself



That’s how I feel like today.

I don’t know why I like to torture myself so freaking much. What is wrong with me?

I won’t lie, I have been obsessively POASing for the past 3 days. I can not freaking help myself. I suck!

Yesterday I thought (and I mean THOUGHT) that I saw a very, very, very faint second line and got my hopes up and got all excited.

Today I thought that perhaps I would see another second line, perhaps a little darker. NOPE! I didn’t see a second line at all.

What does that mean? Well it means that I’m going freaking insane, that’s what it means.

Now I”m not even sure if I have many symptoms at all. I’m starting to think that it’s all inside of my crazy head and I’m not really feeling any of these things.

Today I just feel like a failure and feel like crawling into a ball and crying my eyes out.

Today, I thought a lot about our angel baby and everything that we have gone through.

It doesn’t help that Tom is overseas and that we don’t have much time to talk since we are 14 hrs apart and when he’s waking up I’m at work and when I’m waking up he’s going to sleep.  I just sucks. I’m in one of those moods today.

That's how I'm feeling today!

I keep telling myself that perhaps this treatment is not suppose to work because of a very tiny little possibility that we might adopt. Even though we might not even be able to do it anyways.

See, there’s just so many unanswered things out in the air with us and for me that is just pure TORTURE!  The unknown is just mean. No, actually knowing that you might get result A or B and just sit and wait without being able to do anything about it to swing to either side, now THAT”S torture!

This sucks.


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