Supporting a friend & Infertility

I’ve been meaning to write this post for a while. It is amazing how infertility touches people. No matter how many year go by, how many kids you have or how many people you talk to, it just never goes away. That is just a fact.

I have met the most wonderful, amazing people throughout this journey. My son is 16 months now and my infertility sisters and I still keep in touch. I have gone through so much in life, things that are not related to infertility at all, and they have helped me every step of the way. I couldn’t have done it without them. They have been wonderful friends and I’m very thankful for that.

This post is to support a friend. I know this beautiful couple. We have a lot in common, where we come from, our personalities, our views in life. Unfortunately we also share this hard path in life of infertility. We’ve known each other for a while now yet we had no idea we shared this painful road in life.

This beautiful couple have endured a lot. Although she doesn’t see it, she is much stronger than I’ll ever be. Her angel babies and my angel baby are all playing together in heaven. that I know is true. I also know that she will beat this. She’s already a mom, that is a fact, but she will hold her baby in her arms one day. I just know it.

I want her to know that I’m here for her. I’m the type of person that like to share and talk about all of this. It’s how I cope. It’s how I manage this madness, this unfairness.
She’s a lot more conservative than I am and I understand that. I wish she understood that there’s so much help out there. So much love and support. I can not tell you how these ladies have helped me. I know that without them I couldn’t have done it all. It’s strange since I have never met any of them in person, yet I feel like I’ve known them for years. Actually, I have known some of them for just about 5 years now.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I know how hard all of this is and I wish you guys didn’t have to go through this. No one should. I’ll say it here, It is NOT fair that for those who want kids we can’t have and for some having kids is as easy as sneezing (as my dad would say). No, it is not fair. I often wish I could scream into the world, WHY? What have we done? Why us? I might actually have done that more than once……….but I haven’t heard anything back yet.

Infertility has taught us so many lessons. For me the biggest change was with my marriage. We actually got to be much closer than we were before. We understood that this was a problem that WE needed to face, that WE would figure out, that WE would conquer. There were many days that I was down and my sweet husband came to my rescue, and there were days that he was down and I had to be the strong one. There was never any shame on that.

Infertility taught me that I have to learn to ask for help. That as much as I wish I could do it all and fix it all myself, that I just can’t. Many people that knows me, knows that I’m not a very patient person. Well, I’m glad I’m that way. If I didn’t “rush” into wanting a child, I would have never known that we have infertility problems.

I won’t lie, when you first hear about the treatments, the possible outcomes, the possibility of multiples and complications……..it is the scariest thing you’ll ever hear. Then you realize that you are willing to do whatever it takes to become a mom, a parent. You realize that you’re willing to give your life in order to create one. You realize that all the problems you had endured in the past are NOTHING compared to what you’re willing to do to achieve the dream of parenthood.

The doctor’s appointments, the ultrasounds, the shots, the insemination………none of that matters. Because once you get through it all, the prize is amazing. I can’t even begin to describe it.

I also want you to know one thing. Just because you have chosen to go this path, you know, the one that you ask a doctor for help. It does NOT mean that you can’t or won’t be able to have a child on your own. It does NOT make you less of a woman. It does NOT make you any less than what you are. It does make you STRONG. It shows how DETERMINED and STRONG WILL you are. It shows that you won’t be sitting back and watching life pass you by. You are TAKING charge of your own destiny and you are going to make your dreams come true.

So, sweet friend. I know all of this is new to you. I know that all of this is scary as hell. I wish I could take it away from you guys. I wish that you didn’t have to endure all this pain. But know this. I KNOW you’ll have your miracle in your hands. I KNOW that your dreams will come true.

As I have said before. I’m here for you. Day and night, no matter what time of the day. I’m here for you.

I know this post didn’t scare you too much.

We love you.

 

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4 comments

  1. Lynnette · January 17, 2012

    I couldn’t agree more – while IF really sucks, you CAN come out on top, and be better for it. After a 6 year struggle we were blessed with twins, and oddly enough, my IF journey actually had moments of real fun because of the friends and support group that I formed. I, too, still have a very close sister-in-law that is now at 8+ years TTC, and another sister who is just beginning the journey. It affects so many people, but I do believe that one way or another there can be a happy ending for everyone on this road to parenthood. I wish the best for your friend, I’m sure her experiences are going to contribute to her being a fantastic mother – hopefully soon.

  2. Carrie O'Bringer · January 17, 2012

    Can I just say that you have been such a help to me. I know we have never met in person, but you still have been such a positive influence on me. We have been together thru this journey for a long time, and I can’t imagine having gone thru it without you. Thank you so much.
    As for your friend, feel free to reach out. Its scary and hard to wrap your head around the whole process. The more support you have, the easier the load is to handle. I have found that having a group online was the easiest for me. I did not feel comfortable discussing all aspects of our infertility with people I see everyday, if that makes sense. But our group that we created is tied emotionally together in a very deep real way. I may have never met these women, but they are family to
    me, a family by choice not obligation, and they make my world a better place.
    Wishing you all the best,
    Carrie

  3. wtbocianski · January 17, 2012

    You guys are so sweet. I don’t even know what to say. Carrie, we have to get together once this winter/snowy weather passes.
    I’m very thankful to have my ladies, my sisters. I hope that my sweet friend will see how much love and support I have from you guys and seek the same for herself.
    I love you guys and I thank you all for getting me through so much.

  4. Kim · January 17, 2012

    I just want to say that without our online group I honestly don’t think I would of been able to pull through all the ups and downs of infertility. I too find it easy to “talk” online with these amazing women whom I call my infertility family. We struggled for 5 years, then finally we got our positive pregnancy test! I cried my eyes out telling my husband and I hopped online and had to tell my other “family”. cause I we were all going through the treatments together! My advice is take it day to day and dont be afraid to ask questions, keep your head up and think positive. My husband would always say the greater the fight, the greater the victory.

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