Yesterday wasn’t an easy day for me.
I was very emotional and was feeling like my battle was already lost. My husband is under the weather and has not been feeling good for a couple of days, so I didn’t really say anything to him.
After a while he asked me how I was doing so when I answered him “fine” he knew that something was wrong. He didn’t even have to ask me what, he immediately said “don’t worry sweetie, the baby will be ok”. Like I said, I wasn’t having a great day and I told him that he was wrong and that it was not going to be ok.
As he always does, he talked to me (even though he was super sick); he wanted to know what was bothering me. I told him about the pink on the TP and he wanted to see it. I explained to him and showed him (I know TMI) and he said “that’s not blood, that’s just a very light pink”.
I couldn’t hold it in anymore, I just stated to sob. As he held me tight, I told him that all I want is to have a healthy and happy pregnancy. I want this baby and I don’t want to go through the pain of losing a baby again. It just hurt too much.
He held me tight and said all the right things. He asked me to lay down and relax, there he was laying next to me, all stuffed up and feeling sick and when I asked him how HE was feeling he said to me “I’m concerned about you right now, I want you to feel better”.
That’s when it dawn to me. No matter what happens, he’ll always be there for me. He won’t judge me or say anything bad to me, he’ll be right there by my side supporting me and caring for me.
That’s when I remembered how lucky I am to have him, how amazing he is and how strong he is.
Tom and I have been through a lot before we found ourselves in this infertility road. I have to say that nothing has brought us closer than having to go through all of this together.
I couldn’t imagine having to go through all of this with anyone else by my side. I have the best man, the strongest man, the most caring, understanding and loving husband and I am so very lucky.
I still don’t know what the future holds for us. I don’t know what the outcome of this pregnancy will be but I know that no matter what happens I have my husband by my side and that alone is reassuring and something to be very thankful for.
The other day Tom told me about this song called Angels Among Us by Randy Travis & Alan Jackson . This song is very touching and so very true. There are angels among us and I have a permanent one next to me every day.
Sweetie, this post is for you. To say thank you for being there for me even when I make no sense whatsoever. For being my rock, for loving me unconditionally. I don’t know what I would do without you. Thank you for loving me like you do. I love you so very much.