Scared and anxious.

So, let me start by first saying that everything is ok. I would also like to say that this is TMI so  – TMI ALLERT!!!

On Monday night, I went to the little girls room and everything was ok. I got ready to use my Endometrin supplement and everything was going ok, and then I hit something while inserting the applicator. It didn’t hurt but it felt weird.

I rearranged myself and continued without a problem. When I removed the applicator I noticed that the very tip had some pinkish on it.

Of course my heart dropped.

I couldn’t sleep all night long. I woke up at 3am and had to go and check to make sure that I wasn’t bleeding. There was nothing.

I got up for work at 5am (I wasn’t able to go back to sleep and just laid in bed) and checked again, NOTHING!!!

As I inserted my morning Endometrin I didn’t see any pink and I was happy. My thought was that I must have scratched something and that everything was ok now.

Last night the same thing happened. This time, I didn’t hit anything the little bit of pink was just there. DH and I were not very happy and I (of course) could only think of the worst.

This morning again there wasn’t anything. I’m not sure what’s the deal with the night Endometrin insertion and why this is happening.

So, like any insane person that I am I grabbed a test and I POAS. Of course it came back positive. Although I know it doesn’t mean anything it made me happy.

I called my RE’s office today to let them know what’s going on. They tell me that this is very normal and for me not to worry. (yeah right)

They tell me that unless I’m having bleeding then I should be concerned. and that I could still have implantation bleeding even this far. (I remember something like that from my OB last time).

So she tells me, “just keep doing what you’re doing and everything is going to be fine”. I’ve heard this before but today I chose to believe it.

But seriously, why does this things have to happen to me? WHY?

Tomorrow I’m going in for my Beta test. I have to say that I’m scared and anxious. Not sure what to expect. The unknown for me is HARD and I really don’t like it. Call me control freak…… yeah, yeah, I know.

So, until tomorrow.



  1. 21reena · January 6, 2010

    omg- I’d be freakin out too…I hope your BETA comes back nice and strong and that the pink is just a little implantaion business…keep us posted!!!

    • wtbocianski · January 7, 2010

      I’m still freaking out a lot.
      I went in this morning for the beta but probably won’t hear back from them until lunch time.
      Can I survive 5 more hours or more?!?!?
      This entire journey sometimes makes me feel so small and insignificant. It’s just so damn hard.

  2. J. G. · January 7, 2010

    good thoughts! good thoughts! good thoughts! 🙂 Hang in there girl, this stress will all be so worth it!!

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