Is this really happening?

These past couple of days has been surreal for me.

I’ve been having tons of symptoms but I know that they can all be caused by the Endometrin that I’ve been taking. In fact, every time I had a new “symptom” I would Google “Endometrin Side Effects” and sure enough there it was.

I had POAS on Christmas Eve to make sure that the trigger shot was out of my system and it was.

Then, of course, I could no longer control myself and I started to torture myself by POAS almost every day.

At 10dpiui I POAS and I got a BFN. I was upset but we all know that it’s way too early in the game anyway. Then I POAS again at 11dpiui since for my first pregnancy I had gotten a positive then. I waited the required amount of time and again BFN!!

I went to work feeling pretty down and sad that this didn’t work again.  When I got home, DH had gone out of town for work and I was alone. I went to the ladies room and looked at the morning test and I saw it, a second line.

My first thought was, this isn’t possible, this has to be an evaporated line and it means nothing. Of course I could not control myself and I test with First Response. There it was, a faint second line. It was faint, but it was there.

I could not wait and had to call DH. He was so excited but I could tell that he didn’t want to get too excited about it. He asked me to test again in the morning and see what happens.

I could barely sleep at night; I woke up and ran to the bathroom. Now it was 12dpiui and I used an EPT digital response. Those magical words came up and I ran back to bed waiving the stick around and letting DH know that this was true. I got a BFP!

We had a little talk about this and we are super excited but at the same time very cautious about it. DH thinks that we might jinx it if we tell people.  I think that whatever is meant to be is going to be and that it won’t make any difference how many people know or doesn’t. The pain or the joy will be the same no matter what. Right?? Right!

I already called my RE and all I had to say was “guess what?” The receptionist started to laugh and be all joyful and happy on the phone with me. The only thing that sucks is that we have to wait until the 31st to get the blood test done. They want a count as accurate as possible. I understand that but I wish I could go today since my RE’s office only opens half a day on the 31st.

Anyway, here we are cautiously excited. I think that we want this SO BADLY that we’re afraid that someone is just pulling our leg.

Pray for us tomorrow. God, please let our numbers be good!? Amen.

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One comment

  1. 21reena · December 31, 2009

    OMG – CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I can’t wait to hear your Beta #…what a great start to the new year!!!!!

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