Today is Christmas Eve and I’m swimming in a sea of different emotions.
I’m happy and excited to have our family over, which I know will keep me busy and keep my mind off things but at the same time I’m very emotional about it. Yesterday it dawn to me that they were supposed to be coming over because of my angel baby’s arrival and I’m not pregnant. (I don’t know yet).
Then there is the unknown too. Today is the half way mark for me. It’s been 7 days since my IUI and I have yet another 7 days to go.
The second week always drags and it just sucks.
As I always do, I decided to test to make sure that the trigger shot was out of my system and it is.
Now all I have to do is hold on tight until next week and test again then.
My mom yesterday said to me “your skin looks so beautiful” then I looked at her and she had a huge smile on her face. She then said “you do know what that means, right?” I just pretended that I didn’t hear her question and went about what I was doing.
I guess there’s the belief that when someone is pregnant their skin looks beautiful or something like that. All I can say to that is, I sure hope that she’s right.
Tonight we’ll have our big Christmas dinner and exchange gifts and all. I’m sure it will be lots of fun but right now, this exact second, I can’t help but feel sad and scared that I won’t ever become a mommy.
I feel like an emotional wreck and I have to keep a nice, happy composure tonight. I just hope that I can pull it off.
Anyway. Merry Christmas Everyone. I hope you can find happiness through the Holidays.
Here’s to a better 2010!!