Supporting a friend & Infertility
I’ve been meaning to write this post for a while. It is amazing how infertility touches people. No matter how many year go by, how many kids you have or how many people you talk to, it just never goes away. That is just a fact.
I have met the most wonderful, amazing people throughout this journey. My son is 16 months now and my infertility sisters and I still keep in touch. I have gone through so much in life, things that are not related to infertility at all, and they have helped me every step of the way. I couldn’t have done it without them. They have been wonderful friends and I’m very thankful for that.
This post is to support a friend. I know this beautiful couple. We have a lot in common, where we come from, our personalities, our views in life. Unfortunately we also share this hard path in life of infertility. We’ve known each other for a while now yet we had no idea we shared this painful road in life.
This beautiful couple have endured a lot. Although she doesn’t see it, she is much stronger than I’ll ever be. Her angel babies and my angel baby are all playing together in heaven. that I know is true. I also know that she will beat this. She’s already a mom, that is a fact, but she will hold her baby in her arms one day. I just know it.
I want her to know that I’m here for her. I’m the type of person that like to share and talk about all of this. It’s how I cope. It’s how I manage this madness, this unfairness.
She’s a lot more conservative than I am and I understand that. I wish she understood that there’s so much help out there. So much love and support. I can not tell you how these ladies have helped me. I know that without them I couldn’t have done it all. It’s strange since I have never met any of them in person, yet I feel like I’ve known them for years. Actually, I have known some of them for just about 5 years now.
Anyway, I just wanted to say that I know how hard all of this is and I wish you guys didn’t have to go through this. No one should. I’ll say it here, It is NOT fair that for those who want kids we can’t have and for some having kids is as easy as sneezing (as my dad would say). No, it is not fair. I often wish I could scream into the world, WHY? What have we done? Why us? I might actually have done that more than once……….but I haven’t heard anything back yet.
Infertility has taught us so many lessons. For me the biggest change was with my marriage. We actually got to be much closer than we were before. We understood that this was a problem that WE needed to face, that WE would figure out, that WE would conquer. There were many days that I was down and my sweet husband came to my rescue, and there were days that he was down and I had to be the strong one. There was never any shame on that.
Infertility taught me that I have to learn to ask for help. That as much as I wish I could do it all and fix it all myself, that I just can’t. Many people that knows me, knows that I’m not a very patient person. Well, I’m glad I’m that way. If I didn’t “rush” into wanting a child, I would have never known that we have infertility problems.
I won’t lie, when you first hear about the treatments, the possible outcomes, the possibility of multiples and complications……..it is the scariest thing you’ll ever hear. Then you realize that you are willing to do whatever it takes to become a mom, a parent. You realize that you’re willing to give your life in order to create one. You realize that all the problems you had endured in the past are NOTHING compared to what you’re willing to do to achieve the dream of parenthood.
The doctor’s appointments, the ultrasounds, the shots, the insemination………none of that matters. Because once you get through it all, the prize is amazing. I can’t even begin to describe it.
I also want you to know one thing. Just because you have chosen to go this path, you know, the one that you ask a doctor for help. It does NOT mean that you can’t or won’t be able to have a child on your own. It does NOT make you less of a woman. It does NOT make you any less than what you are. It does make you STRONG. It shows how DETERMINED and STRONG WILL you are. It shows that you won’t be sitting back and watching life pass you by. You are TAKING charge of your own destiny and you are going to make your dreams come true.
So, sweet friend. I know all of this is new to you. I know that all of this is scary as hell. I wish I could take it away from you guys. I wish that you didn’t have to endure all this pain. But know this. I KNOW you’ll have your miracle in your hands. I KNOW that your dreams will come true.
As I have said before. I’m here for you. Day and night, no matter what time of the day. I’m here for you.
I know this post didn’t scare you too much.
We love you.
Baptism, WALKING and plans for Birthday
Our “little” monkey is going to be 10 months old tomorrow, Can you believe that??
He is growing up so fast, it’s unbelievable.
My little brother was able to make it to the US and we baptized our sweet boy on June 18th at Saint Martin’s Church.
It was a very simple and just family type of thing. When I say just family I really mean it. It was the three of us, my parents and the Godparents and my little brother’s girlfriend.
Patryck got to wear the infamous 60 years old gown. This gown has a lot of tradition behind it. My father wore it for his baptism, all of his brothers did as well and then my mom decided to make it a tradition and baptize us with it as well.
My happy Boy !!
Well, Patryck is the first great-grand baby and he got to wear it as well. Of course I had to buy something for him to wear before and after. I was not going to let him run around with such delicate gown.
He did great at the church. He kept “singing” to the priest and just looking around and wanting to play with everyone. He did not like the cold water in his head but he did stop crying shortly after.
Patryck had been standing and taking a couple of steps here and there but he walked, with ease, over 7 feet on June 22nd. He did this multiple times. It’s been amazing watching him challenge himself and go further and further.
Needless to say he’s walking all over the house now. We have to be really careful with him because sometimes he gets excited and just takes off too fast and you know that such combination is not a good idea.
I just can’t believe that he’s so big already. Where did time go??
I can’t even believe what I’m about to say. We are planning his first birthday ! WHAT???
Tom and I talked about this and I could not forgive myself if my grandmother did not get to meet Patryck and since she can’t fly then we have to go to her.
So, with that being said, we are going to celebrate his birthday in Brazil.
We got the tickets and we are ready to go. I’m very excited and a bit scared at the same time.
I haven’t been there in a while and there’s SO MUCH to plan and get done all the way from here. I’m sure it will all come together but it’s just nerve wracking to say the least.
I better get to bed, It’s late and I have work pretty early tomorrow morning.
I’ll post some pics later.
Living Indiana Style
It’s been a while since I’ve posted. No matter how much I want to post more often I still can’t.
Anyways.
Patryck is turning 9 months in a couple of days. He is so big, I can’t even begin to describe it. The other day I took him to the doctor because of some lip fungus and I could NOT believe it when I looked at the scale and it said 21Lb !!! OMG my baby is just huge.
The other day Tom and I were shopping for clothes and I was just beside myself in the realization that we are shopping for clothes that are sizes 18 to 24 months. Really? What happened to my little cuttie pattottie?
He’s a crawling expert now. He stands up on his own and walks around while holding on to things. We just purchased one of those push walkers so he can stand behind it and push while walking behind it. Let’s see if it works and how well he does with it.
As for us, we are doing ok so far. Tom has been traveling quite a bit. In fact he just left again today and won’t be back until a week before Patryck’s baptism.
Talking about that. On June 18th Patryck is being baptized. We don’t have a lot of people coming but the most important ones will be here.
My little brother is arriving next sunday and will be here until June 20th. I’m so excited. I miss him very much.
Also, we are trying our best to plan Patryck’s first birthday. WOW did I just write that? His first birthday!
Anyways, we are planning on taking a family vacation and go to Brasil. We have to plan out all of the details and of course find the money to make it all possible but we are sure going to try.
I’ll update more whenever I know more.
Better go take care of my little monkey!!
Indiana life
It’s been a while since I’ve posted and I know I’m terrible at it now, but life has been so busy lately.
I guess we’ve been living in Indiana for a month now, I just realized that as I’m writing this down.
My sweet boy inside his toy box
The very next day that we flew into Indiana we had a terrible snowstorm. Patryck did great on the plane though. He was busy entertaining everyone and being super cute. I was very proud of my little monkey.
So, on March 1st we started our new jobs. Tom is always very busy and he loves his job. I’m busy too and I have lots to learn, I guess my problem is that I find everything way too interesting and wish I knew everything. Of course that is not possible (at least not for now).
As for Patryck, he is almost 7 months old and he’s doing wonderful. He’s crawling (backwards at least) and he rocks back and forth a lot. He LOVES his walker and he’s able to “walk” around the house that way. He’s getting into everything.
Little monkey loves bath time
His top teeth are suppose to come out soon and he’s been teething for a long time. They’re taking forever to come out. I’m in no hurry of course but I’m sure that Patryck does not appreciate it.
Tom has a lot of trips scheduled already and I believe that THAT is going to be the hardest part of his job. Believe it or not, even after 8 years we hate being away from each other. We have the hardest time falling asleep and just doing things day by day. I’m sure that we’ll get used to it eventually but right now it’s just not easy.
Ohh and Patryck can sit up all by himself, roll around and just entertain himself so much more.
Playing with grass for the very first time.
Let’s not forget to mention that we are so blessed to have had my parents move with us. They’re the ones that are taking care of him while we’re at work. They are wonderful with him and I couldn’t be happier. It’s also giong to be great having them around while Tom is away. I have no idea how we would have been able to do all of this if they weren’t here.
New Adventures and baby update!
Where should I even start?
Patryck at 5 months 02/01/11
Let’s see, since the last time I’ve posted was Christmas. It feels like it was such a long time ago. I can’t believe it.
Our monkey (I’m talking about Patryck of course) has grown so much since then. Patryck is 5 months, 1 week and 1 day today. He is so big already; you have to see it to believe it.
He’s doing a great job at rolling back and forth from belly to back and then back to his belly. He also has 2 teeth already. Those came in around January 15th when he was about 4 and a half months. Both bottom teeth are completely out. It’s amazing how fast they arrive and how fast he’s using them already.
My teeth are out!
Patryck loves music, he can be super upset but if play some music or put a music video on, he’ll stop and just pay attention. It’s amazing how much he loves music.
We took him to see his pediatrician this past Monday, he’s been fighting a cold, and he’s weighing at 17.4Lb!!!! My little baby is not so little anymore.
I'm a big boy already
We’re still working on sleep training as he wakes up in the middle of the night still and he still wants to eat at night. But we’re working on it.
Now onto the BIG changes in our lives!!! Ready??
Tom received an amazing opportunity/promotion at work and was asked if he would relocate. He said as long as I could come with that he would strongly consider it.
Well, guess what? They promoted me too (we work for the same company)
With that being said, we had anticipated that we would have about 90 days to get our things together and move but they want us to start right away and we only really had about 40 days.
I know, insane right?!?
Where are we moving from and where to?
We are currently in Sunny California and we are going to be moving to Snowy Indiana!!!
It is amazing how fast things are progressing and even more amazing how things seem to be falling into place. I truly believe that this was meant to be and that we are making the right decision and the best one too.
From today we only have 10 days left in California. That saddens me a lot since I’ve lived here in CA for 10 and a half years, but we have a little one now and we have to do what’s best for Him and our family.
We’ve always talked about moving out of California since the cost of living here is so darn expensive and the truth is that if it was left to us to make that move we would probably never do it or it would take a very long time.
On the bright, good side is that my parents are living with us and they have been an amazing help through all of this (of course stressful at times too). I don’t believe that we would have been able to pull this off if they were not with us.
So, for now the plan is for the movers to start packing us up on the 17th and they should leave our home with all of our things on the 19th. My mom, Patryck and I are flying to Indiana on the 19th first thing in the morning and Tom, my dad and the dogs are driving our cars there.
It’s been a world wind but I’m sure that it will all workout.
That is it for now. I sure hope that things will go smoothly and that we’ll be settled in with no problem.
2010 in review
The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:
The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.
Crunchy numbers
The average container ship can carry about 4,500 containers. This blog was viewed about 18,000 times in 2010. If each view were a shipping container, your blog would have filled about 4 fully loaded ships.
In 2010, there were 60 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 84 posts. There were 124 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 99mb. That’s about 2 pictures per week.
The busiest day of the year was September 5th with 153 views. The most popular post that day was 13 weeks Pregnancy and Planning..
Where did they come from?
The top referring sites in 2010 were forums.fertilitycommunity.com, facebook.com, cyclesista.com, stillwaitingformysunshine.wordpress.com, and en.wordpress.com.
Some visitors came searching, mostly for 13 weeks pregnant, pregnancy 13 weeks, 13 weeks pregnancy, pregnancy at 13 weeks, and wheel of emotions.
Attractions in 2010
These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.
13 weeks Pregnancy and Planning. March 2010
4 comments
Gender Scan!!!! Boy or Girl? March 2010
3 comments
Wheel of emotions January 2010
4 comments
Level II ultrasound….being able to breathe a little better now. April 2010
2 comments
First Beta # January 2010
4 comments
Merry Christmas !!
Christmas 2010
This the season to be Jolly, la la la la la la la la……..
What a huge difference one year can make in our lives. It’s just amazing.
This time last year we were in such a limbo……….so sad to have lost our angel baby and so unsure that we would ever become parents.
So very different now. Our beautiful son is here and we couldn’t be happier. There is NOTHING that I wanted more than to hold our son in my arms this Christmas.
We are very fortunate to have my parents living with us and my mom taking care of our son while I return to work. So with that being said, my in-laws HAD to come spend Christmas with us.
As we did last year, we had the Polish Christmas on Dec 24th and the Brasilian Christmas on the 25th.
Patryck did great. There were a lot of arms around to hold him and entertain him so he was very happy.
He got a few gifts this year. This year hasn’t been easy for anyone so I knew not to expect a lot of gifts. But truthfully he could care less and is very content with the ones he got.
My parents got him a mobile that plays for 20 minutes and has very animated characters, this little toy that squeals funny voices and some clothes.
My in-laws got him a couple of teether and rattlers as well as this take along music box that he likes a lot. Ohh and a couple clothes too.
Santa (aka mommy and daddy) got him a stroller strap on toy, a couple of clothes, socks and an exersaucer.
Our son already has a favorite color, which is GREEN! So, we had to get him an exersaucer that had a lot of green and the one we got is a frog………so it’s green!
For Christmas Eve, Patryck wore a Santa outfit and he looked so precious.
The most HANDSOME Santa of all !
For Christmas day we had a more relaxed outfit for him. Just a little white jumper with little Christmas figurines and that said “My First Christmas”
All and all we were the happiest anyone could ever be.
At times i would look at our son and my eyes would tear up and joy would fill my body and soul.
I often heard my husband telling me how happy he was and how Patryck is the best Christmas gift we’ve ever had.
They only thing that I wish could have happened was for people to understand that Patryck is a miracle. that having him here is a miracle and that it wasn’t easy.
So, when people ask me “when is the next one?” that it isn’t that easy.
My body is not “warmed up” for babies and I can just have another one at anytime. I often find myself wishing for a miracle……..for natural conecption but I KNOW that such miracle is nearly impossible. I’m aware of it and I’ve accepted it. I just wish I didn’t have to explain to people over and over again………..specially those who are closest to us.
Ok, that was my venting there for a second.
I hope everyone had a wonderful time and a very Merry Christmas to all !!!!
Rice Cereal already?
As I’ve mentioned before Patryck has some days that he just cries hysterically and there’s nothing that I can do to calm him down.
About 5-6 days ago it was pretty bad and I tried everything. Grip water, prescriptions colic medication, rocking, swing, car seat……..nothing worked. We actually tried to go to town and he cried non stop all the way from our house to the store. He cried so hard that he was red like a tomato.
So very hard to watch him like that. So, I did what I always do. I wrote all my questions down for the doctor and I faxed it over to him.
I started doing this when I started IF treatments. I know the nurses are busy and that everytime you call them they just want to hang up and go to the next patient. So, I started writing it down and faxing it over to them. They would either call me with the answer or they would write down the answer and fax it back.
So, on tuesday I wrote down all my questions and concerns and faxed it over to Patryck’s pediatrician. I thought that they would take a day or two to respond so I didn’t think much of it. Then at around 9pm as I’m nursing Patryck and he’s wailing crying, a phone call come in.
Tom answered it and came into our room laughing. I ask who it was and Tom answers “It’s the doctor”
WHAT??? I did NOT expect him to call me, let alone at 9pm. I loved him already, now I’m just more in love with him !!!
Dr.Jones is awesome. He jokingly said “you think you can sleep? no way!” and he laughed with me.
He asked me to tell him my concerns and questions. He tells me that the carseat problem is normal and that not all kids like them. Told me to try a little trick and see if it works (I haven’t tried it yet). Then he addressed my concerns with the colic and the possibility of Patryck having reflux.
He said that he didn’t believe it was reflux and that based on what I was telling him that he wanted to try introducing rice cereal to Patryck.
We’re starting with one tablespoon three times a day then adding one teaspoon every additional day until we reach half a cup but never going beyond that.
Wednesday we tried it for the first time. Patryck was great and as the doctor had advised he did spit out a lot of it since he still doesn’t have the understanding of the tongue movements and all.
He spent a great day and barely even cried. At night he slept from 9pm to 4am. I nursed him and he went back to sleep until 7am.
Now yesterday, he did have a great day but barely slept at night. I think it’s because I didn’t give him the 3 feedings I only gave him 2. I know bad me.
Today (Friday) I did give him all 3 feedings and I just put him down. So I’m hoping that we’ll have a longer night without much grunting and kicking. We’ll see.
I just can’t believe that he’s eating out of a bowl and with a spoon already. He’s not even 3 months old yet.
I had some people question it but I always ask them. Is it better for him to start eating cereal this early or for me to constantly have to give him medication for colic and pain?
I say, bring on the rice cereal. Much more natural and nutritious than some meds.
Tom has been great. We had a talk the other night about him being more involved and taking more initiative and he’s been wonderful.
He already fed Patryck the rice cereal and he did great. I love when Tom is off and at home helping me with Patryck. I love watching them play and interact. It’s just amazing to watch.
I better get to bed and catch some zss.
My monkey boy !
I know I haven’t been a very good blogger but I’m trying my best.
Only now Patryck is letting me put him down on his swing and he’s taking naps on it. YAY for swings!!!
Patryck had his first holiday, Halloween. We had so much fun that day. We had been planning it for a while and we eventually found a costume that would fit him. A size 3 month old monkey costume.
With that I had to think about a costume for Tom since he wanted to go trick or treating so badly.
What would go best with a monkey costume? A banana of course. I thought Tom would not go for it but I was wrong.
On Halloween day we had my dad and Tom’s parents over and they too joined in the fun.
We met up with our friends and neighbors and out we went trick or treating.
Tom was just so excited to take Patryck out. I don’t know what it is about halloween that my husband likes so much (ok I know that it is, it’s all the candy) but ever since we’ve talked about kids and pregnancy he always said that he couldn’t wait to take his kids trick or treating. We had a blast the all the other kids that saw Tom dressed up as a banana would say hi to him and just laugh laugh laugh.
As for motherhood, what can I say? I’m totally in love with my little monkey. That’s what we call him now. LOL
At times when he’s crying bloody murder it’s tough and it makes me want to cry because I have no idea what’s bothering him and it makes me feel like an incompetent mother.
Tom is also coming around. I think that most of the time he’s afraid that he’s doing something wrong or that Patryck doesn’t like him (which is just insane). But he’s realizing that such thing is not true and that it takes patience to deal with all the crying and wailing that he does at times and there’s nothing we can do about it.
As I mentioned Patryck is now letting us put him in the swing and he’s actually taking his naps on it. that is huge for us because before he only wanted to be held and he would wake up within seconds of you putting him down.
He’s still colicky and sometimes nothing calms him down and he just cries and cries. My dad gets so upset when he cries, it’s so funny. As if he’s hurting with Patryck.
My parents are moving in with us and I’m excited about it. I couldn’t imagine how Tom and I would manage if my mom wasn’t coming to live with us.
Needless to say she’s going to be watching Patryck after I go back to work.
Work……..yah that’s coming up soon. 3 more weeks and back to work I go.
I have to say that I’m somewhat excited and scared. I like being able to get out of the house and see people but I’m also so concerned about how it’s going to be being far away from my little one.
Being that I’m somewhat of a control freak I’m know I’m going to be wondering if he’s eating right, if he’s sleeping in the right position (on his back of course)…….
All those little things……..that’s why I think I’m going to go back to work in the middle of the week that way the transition will be better for the both of us. I think.
I better get moving and start making some lunch for me. For some reason anytime I eat our little monkey wakes up and cries up a storm, it’s funny to watch but very hard for me since I’m hungry and he won’t let me eat. LOL
Motherhood Update
Our little munchkin will be 2 months in 3 days, where did time go??
Life has been very busy to say the least. Patryck has a very demanding schedule (which I can’t really complain).
He hates when we put him down and he only wants to be held. We’ve tried the swing, the bouncy seat, the high chair, the car seat and he’s not a fan of any of them.
We’ve also been cursed with colic and although it’s getting better it’s not all gone yet. It got to a point where I had to call the doctor and beg for some medication because the teas and grip water was no longer working for him. Mind you I’ve been breastfeeding exclusively and I’ve cut dairy completly from my diet.
Tom has been helpuful at times and I can’t really complain much. Of course I’ll complain because that’s what we do, but he does help from time to time. I’m sure it must be hard because Patryck is so used to me that he must feel like a fish out of water when it’s his turn to care for him.
A couple of weeks ago we took a trip to visit my parents in Las Vegas. It’s usually a 6 hour drive but because of our little one it took us longer. On our way there we only had one stop and it was great!!! While in Vegas we had so much help from my parents……..it was HEAVEN!! We even got to have our first night out alone while grandma watched him.
We went to The Blue Man Show and we had a great time. I won’t lie, while in the show I thought about Patryck most of the time but I was still able to enjoy myself.
The drive back from Vegas wasn’t easy. Patryck was not a happy boy at all. We had a total of 3 stops and the last one was horrible. He would not stop crying and nothing would calm him down. It hate to watch him cry like that and not be able to do anything to help.
Anyhow, we’ve had our ups and downs but it all melts away when he looks us in the eye and gives us that beautiful smile.
Sleeping is still a work in progress. Sometimes he sleeps for 5 hours (rarely) and sometimes he sleeps for about 2 hours! It all depends! It’s hard to sleeps when the baby sleeps but it’s ok I guess. Who needs sleep, right?!
Here is a link to some pics that we took with a photographer. I love them so I thought I would share.
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